


I'm not gonna fake date you

by gkeis



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Fake Dating, Fake/Pretend Relationship, fake dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:30:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gkeis/pseuds/gkeis
Summary: Laura asks Carmilla to pretend to be her girlfriend. Carmilla says no.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I didn't leave out any boo-boos. Didn't get to thoroughly proofread before posting. Anyways, I hope someone enjoys this!

"I need you to pretend to be my girlfriend!"

Carmilla and Laf almost snorted out the coffee they were drinking at Laura's sudden declaration. Carmilla’s brows scrunched as she looked at Laura from across the table confused on what the cupcake meant. Laf, who was seated between the two, looked at Carmilla expectedly for a response. Nothing, but a steely gaze. They then looked at Laura whose eyes were pretty much short of shouting _Answer me already!_  Laf looked back and forth between Carmilla and Laura. It was like painfully watching a tennis match.

“Well?” Laura broke the impasse.

"No."

"Wait- You don’t even know the details!”

“Look, Cupcake, I don’t need to. The answer is no.”

“But-”

“No.”

Laura’s shoulders dropped in resignation. Her gaze dropped down and she knew it was hopeless to even argue.

_Oh god, that face!_  Carmilla thought as she saw that forlorn expression that easily turns her into putty.

“Hey, Cupcake,” she said as she reached out to Laura from across the table. It was a huge table so no chance in reaching her. “Look, I’ll think about it, okay?” And she flashed a shy yet reassuring smile towards Laura.

“Okay. Thanks, Carm,” Laura meekly replied while smiling back at Carmilla. That she’ll think about it was good enough for now.

*CRUNCH* Laf just shoved a mouthful of salty parabolas while the two were having that exchange. “Hey, this would go well with some soda!”

That sent Carmilla bolting upright like she just remembered something.

“Guys, I just need to run down to the store. Cupcake here is all out of grape soda and cookies.” She dashed towards the kitchen counter, grabbed her keys and her jacket and made her way towards the door. As she passed behind Laura, she gently placed her hand over Laura’s shoulder and gave it a gentle (and totally platonic) rub. Laura looked behind her towards Carmilla, and Carmilla looked back as if to say _Let’s talk later_. Somehow Laura understood and nodded back.

Then she turned towards Laf to explain, “We haven’t gotten around to buying groceries this week so the cupboard’s pretty low on cutie’s stuff…” Not quite understanding her own point, Carmilla left it at that, and headed out the door.

***

As soon as the door closed behind Carmilla, Laf looked at Laura with a devilish smile.

“So… ‘We?’ Buying groceries together now? And her cupboard somehow needs supplies of your stuff?” Laf teased.

“Well, I’m here pretty often, and I need stuff.” Laura said defensively.

“Next thing we know, Carmilla will be giving you the keys to this place!”

Laura’s eyes went wide and she felt her cheeks flush as she tried to keep a straight face. The blush on her face kind of ratted her out to Laf anyways.

“Holy smokes! You already have keys to this place?!”

“Well, Carm said it’s just in case of emergencies.”

“Sure… And may I know when was the last time you used said keys?” Laf asked smugly.

Laura rolled her eyes, gently banged her own head on the table. “Ugh, last night!”

“Crushes-on-best-friend.”

“Oh, shut up!”

***

“So why did you ask her to be your fake girlfriend?” Laf just had to bring up the elephant in the room.

“It’s stupid, really. I just wanted somebody off of my back...You know Danny from work? She keeps hounding me and asking me out on a date.”

“Wait, didn’t you have a big crush on Danny before?”

“Yeah, but--”

“Oh. Let me guess. McBroody happened?”

“Yep.” Laura didn’t even bother to deny it.

“Why didn’t you just tell Danny no?”

“Believe me, I’ve tried that but she still wouldn’t listen. Then I’ve had it up to here and I thought I’d girl the hell up, and tell her to stop it once and for all. But then I panicked. So I blurted out that she should stop it because I’m dating Carmilla. I could have just said I’m dating _somebody_ , but _nooooo…_ I had to be so stupid and drop a name. And Carmilla’s, of all people.”

“Well, Frosh, my name or Perry’s wouldn’t have been believable.”

“As if Carmilla’s would be any more believable.” Laura sighed.

“And…” Laura hesitated. “I don’t know…. I guess maybe, just maybe, or maybe subconsciously or whatever…” She struggled to find the words.

“Do you know those fake dating fics? Where you have this couple who pretends to date. But it turns out one of them secretly has a thing for the other, and somewhere along the way, the other one falls for the other one too, and they end up together?” Laura asks in one breath.

“Uh, yeah, I may have read 1 or 2,” Laf admitted intentionally leaving out the word “dozens.”

“I guess apart from getting Danny off of my back, maybe… just maybe, I was hoping…” Laura couldn’t finish her sentence.

Laf pulled her friend closer and gave her a comforting pat on the shoulder. They know more than they let on, but they know it’s not their place to say.

***

As if on cue, the door opened and Carmilla came in carrying a brown paper bag from the store.

“So, what did I miss?” She said cooly.

“Nothing much,” Laf answered for Laura and them.

Carmilla headed to the kitchen and unloaded two large bottles of grape soda (Laf noted: _Definitely not just for one sitting_ ) and a bag of chocolate chip cookies ( _Laura’s favorite brand_ ). Though it wasn’t in her to-buy list, Laf also noticed that she bought a fancy looking cupcake from the bakery across the street. Knowing Carmilla doesn’t have a sweet tooth, they were pretty sure Broody got it for Laura.

“Oh, shit, I forgot to order pizza for dinner!” Laura exclaimed.

“Hey, no biggie, cutie. We can just call now, and besides Laf was just snacking so they possibly can’t be hungry.”

“Ok, I’ll go to the other room to make the call. The usual?”

Laf’s eyebrows raised upon hearing “the usual.”

“Yes, please! Oh, wait, maybe order something extra for Laf?” Carmilla replied.

“Don’t mind me, guys! I can’t stay for dinner anyways. I’ve a date with Perr.” Laf said with a silly grin on their face.

“The usual then,” Laura noted and headed off to the other room.

***

Laf took a quick glance to check that Laura was no longer within earshot and jumped in right ahead. “So, have you thought about what she said?”

“Yeah, a bit. I don’t know. It sounds like a bad idea.”

“Do you know those fake dating fics? Where you have this couple who pretends to date. But it turns out one of them secretly has a thing for the other, and somewhere along the way, the other one falls for the other one too, and they end up together?” Laf managed to say in one breath as well and got slightly distracted by the feasibility of it.

“I guess I may have read 1 or 2,” Carmilla admitted hesitantly.

“So maybe _this_ is your chance?” Laf prodded excitedly.

“Laf, those fake dating fics are romanticized versions of, uh, romance! How often would you read any of those where it didn’t work out?”

Laf paused and tried to go over a mental list in their head, then realized it could have been a trick question to expose how much fake dating fics they’ve been into.

Carmilla interrupted Laf’s train of thought. “Look, I’m just saying we don’t get to read about the ones that don’t work out. And I don’t want to be in a fake dating reality with Laura that doesn’t end up with a happy ending.”

“You don't know that. You’ll never know unless you try.” Then their eyes lit up like how they usually do when they get an idea. “Maybe I should go all Sebastian on you. Set the two of you up in a rowboat and just start singing _Kiss the Girl_ …”

“Sorry to dash your crustacean dreams, but that's not gonna happen.”

“Dude, you've got a window right here! Laura pretty much opened it for you by asking you to pretend to be her girlfriend. Not everyone gets their crush to ask them that! Don't you want to take a shot at it?” They grinned optimistically.

“I don't know, Laf.” Carmilla sighed broodily. “I'm only a friend to her. The thought of her pretending to like me scares me. That would just confuse me or might make me feel like there's hope when I should know better that there's none.”

“But, you do know that if you don’t try, you won’t have a chance at a happy ending with her anyways, right?” Laf asked so gently, and Carmilla heard the genuine concern in their voice.

“I know, Laf…” Carmilla smiled weakly. She knows Laf is right.

Sometimes Laf just wanted to spill the beans, but again realized it’s not their place.

***

Laura walked in and caught Carmilla’s downcast expression.

“Hey, is something up?” Laura asked with a concerned tone as she joined Carmilla and Laf back at the dining table.

Laf caught Carmilla’s gaze, looked down at her forearm, and exclaimed: “Well, look at the time.... I gotta head over to Perry’s”

“Laf, you’re not even wearing a watch!” Carmilla said as her eyes widened at Laf in disbelief.

“Nevertheless I have to go, guys! I don’t want to be late for my date with Perr.”

***

Carmilla walked Laf to the door. Just as Laf was stepping out, they turned back to face Carmilla. They looked deep into her eyes, put a gentle hand on Carmilla’s arm, and they cryptically said: “Remember. Sebastian.”

That broke Carmilla’s serious face and she gave out a small chuckle. “Har har, Laf!” She said sarcastically. “You and Perr have a good night!”

“You too, you two.” Not being able to resist being amused at the alliteration, Laf just had to repeat it “You too, you two.”

***

Carmilla headed back in and found Laura settling in her usual spot on the couch. She grabbed the remote on the way to the couch and handed it to its usual owner before taking a seat right beside Laura.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Awkward silence.

“Carm, I’m sorry I even asked. If it’s too much trouble, we can forget about it, ok?” Laura thought about the trouble of having to work around this setback on her accidental plan to manage the Danny situation. _What’s the big deal? Why wouldn’t she just agree to help me anyway? Ugh, I’ve already offered to forget about it so I can’t actually bring it up anymore. I don’t really want to drop it but I just can’t stand stubborn McBroody being upset with me. Worst. Crush. Ever._

Carmilla felt a sudden buzz in her back pocket. That surprised both her and Laura. Looking apologetically at Laura, she pulled out her phone only to see a message from Laf: “Sebastian”. _What the frilly hell?_

“It’s just Laf trying to be funny!” Carmilla explained to Laura.

Taking that sudden interruption as a cue to forget about the topic, Laura sighed as she switched on the TV.

Disney on TV. Opening percussions. Prince Eric and Ariel alone on a rowboat.

“Ok, maybe TV isn’t such a good idea.” Carmilla swiftly grabbed the remote from Laura and switched the TV off. “Let’s just watch Doctor Who on Netflix!”

“But don’t we need the TV on for that?”

_D’oh._ “Yeah-” The doorbell buzzed interrupting Carmilla. “That must be the pizza… I’ll go get it, Cupcake. You can set up the TV.”

Laura turned back the TV on just in time to hear the lines of the song...

 

> Shalalalala / Don't be scared
> 
> You better be prepared / Go on and kiss the girl

She gave out a groan inside her head before loading Doctor Who. _If only it were that easy. Why can’t I just girl the hell up and tell her how I feel? Yeah, right, throw out months of friendship down the drain. Who am I kidding? Look at her. Someone like her just can’t possibly go for someone so plain like me._

At the other side of the room, Carmilla opened the door to the pizza delivery guy wearing a shirt with a large company logo emblazoned in front.  Carmilla thought, _Of course._ Set against a black background is a bright neon “Sebastian” plastered on the delivery guy’s shirt. _Seriously, Universe? Subtle much?_

***

Carmilla laid the box of pizza at the center table in front of the couch. She grabbed a slice and handed it over to Laura, and Laura scooted over to make room for Carmilla on the couch. They’ve hardly settled in when Laura’s mobile phone started ringing.

“It’s Danny,” Laura looked at the ringing phone anxiously. “I better take this, Carm… might be something up at work…””

“On a Saturday night?”

Laura shrugged her shoulders, pulled herself off the couch and headed towards the far end of the room to take the call.

Meanwhile, in Carmilla’s head, Laf’s voice suddenly popped up: _And that’s Danny…_ The fictional voiceover in her head sounded like an overeager news anchor. _Probably asking Laura out, yet again! Who knows persistence might pay off and moving fast forward we see Laura and Danny living happily together! On other news, Carmilla Karnstein a.k.a. ‘The one who never dared to take a chance’ was doomed to a lifetime of exile in the Friend Zone. With no choice but to be a passive audience of every single sweet moment that unfolded between Laura and Danny.. At least those that she’d been invited to which is a lot considering she’s Laura’s best friend. So there… a very painful lot, folks! Moment after moment after moment of seeing the love of your life being whisked away in someone else’s arms..._

“For the nth time, Danny, no!” Laura’s voice snapped Carmilla back into reality. “I’ve told you I like someone else.”

Laura’s eyes flitted to Carmilla as she said that last part, and she was totally caught off guard that Carmilla’s eyes met hers.

Carmilla moved towards Laura, grabbed the phone from her hand, and spoke to the receiver. “Hey, Xena, leave my girlfriend alone!”

Laura froze upon hearing those words. She wasn’t sure she actually heard what she thought she heard.

Carmilla continued raising her voice at Danny over the phone. “If you ever bother her again, I swear I’m gonna make your life a living hell. So let me make this clear: _Leave. My. Girlfriend. Alone._ ” Then Carmilla promptly dropped the call wishing she could’ve slammed it so that it would’ve hurt Danny’s hearing.

_Yep, I heard that all right!_ Laura squealed in her head.

***

“Hey,” Laura broke the silence after Carmilla had calmed down.

“Hey.”

“I thought you didn’t want to pretend to be my girlfriend?”

“I don’t.” Carmilla fidgeted. “But I couldn’t just stand there and let Xena harass you like that!”

“Thanks, Carm,” Laura said shyly.

“Anything for you, Cupcake,” Carmilla replied, and she meant that more than she let on.

“Look, this might not be a good time to ask, but I’m not sure. I mean, after what you told Danny. Are we going to push through with the pretend dating thing?” Laura huffed as she threw caution in the wind and asked Carmilla that question.

Carmilla gently grabbed Laura’s hand and slowly headed towards the couch pulling Laura along. She sat her down on the couch, and sat down as well still facing her. She drew a deep breath, groaned to herself and could just imagine Laf’s head on Sebastian’s body. _Crap, don’t ruin the moment!_

“Do you know those fake dating fics? Where you have this couple who pretends to date. But it turns out one of them secretly has a thing for the other, and somewhere along the way, the other one falls for the other one too, and they end up together?” Carmilla muttered in one breath.

Laura’s eyes opened wide. She thought that sounded oddly familiar.

“Yeah, I think I’ve read maybe 1 or 2…”

“Well, the thing is… I don’t want to pretend dating you... “ Carmilla’s thoughts were a mess and she couldn’t figure out what to say next.

“Because?” Laura touched Carmilla’s arm gently prodding her to continue.

“Because I don't want to fool myself... I just can’t. The thing is, I really like you and it would just hurt knowing you’ll only be pretending. That happy ending only happens in fanfics or in the movies... Fat chance you’ll ever like me back.” Carmilla’s shoulders dropped. There was the feeling of relief that she had finally told Laura. At the same time though, she felt rather defeated knowing she had just thrown their friendship out the window.

“But I already do…”

“You- what?” Carmilla couldn’t believe her ears. Her heart raced.

“I really like you too,” Laura affirmed.

“Date me for real, Cupcake? Let’s not pretend…” She gushed expectantly.

Laura nodded smiling. “I want you to be my girlfriend.”

At the back of their heads, they both could hear a little tune -- a happy tune because both of them were pretty sure they’re gonna get to kiss the girl.

 


End file.
